Retrospective

Dying inside is painful as you feel whom you love the most despises you, as you see that your life is full of awkwardness, as everyone tells you that you're weird.

Dying inside is sorrow as you experience your own funeral, as you experience the darkness of death alive...horrifying feelings is what I feel. Dying inside youself is exasperating as you wait for the end to come, as you hold your breath because the anxious feeling is eating you away...

....but nontheless you want to believe and hope for better days to come.

(something written yrs. ago)

Some Mind, I tells ya!

Why is it that life is so strange? say something today and don't rememember tomorrow. It's how it is. Emotions are at times present, but dissappear moslty during the day. I don't know why... I really don't care. Who am I? that is what want is, wanting to know who you are and never knowing, but others see it. Yet, I believe that nobody ever really knows because...who are we? How do we know others when we don't even know ourselves. It sounds rather ilogical. It's the most difficult age, life, feeling...is it a feeling? what is age...time? Yet, time is infinite and cannot attach age to it. It is us who attach ourselves to time because we are weak, our bodies, our mind, our heart, we are weak. Believing makes one stronger, but as long as one doesn't cultivate "it"... it dies away and feel lost again and again... the world spins and spins and draws you in...it feels drowsy, uncertain of life's existance. Are you there? Am I here? What is this? feeling and than not feeling...the calmness after the storm. The storm...do not forget the storm, that which has changed you, but you don't know how. The one that has made you indifferent and tired...tiredness, it feels great to be tired when you have done tremendous amount of work and have accomplished your goals...small goals...getting up in the morning and confronting the unknown is a great accomplishment. Why, you don't know if that is the last time you are getting up, the last time you see your house, your sisters, your brothers, your parents, yourself. Look inside, look inside...inside the sould and make it better, happier, peaceful, easier like smiling all the time...

...the sweetness inside, the warm tingle inside your body, so true, tangible almost and at the same time untouchable. Only yours, only yours...there is something so BIG inside of you that is yelling, loving and loving...

....the darkness, the pain, anguish, and exasperation takes over and you try and you try and get no response...well, not the one you want. not love. Instead, you get tortured by listening call you an idiot and you feel like an idiot. you do...there is a connection that must be made. No one ever said it had to be a love connection...kiss because you are used to it...kiss because you want to transmitt the vibe, the love...yet he does not respond...

...Look, look! why do you refuse to look? you're persistent because you need to hold on, why? I want to know.

heh! that was written by some fool who was heart broken among other things. Wondering about everything maybe it's just too much to take (of course, the story above has been edited). Now that fool has moved on half way...I might trip over you again....

Recycle

I thought that maybe one day it was all going to get better, but I was mistaken....

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

The green eyes
Yeah the spotlight
Shines upon you

And how could
Anybody
Deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I've met you

Honey you should know
I could never go on
Without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

The green eyes
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you,
Must be out of their minds

'Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I've met you

Honey you should know,
That I could never go on
Without you

Green eyes, green eyes, ohohoh...

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand.

this song I love...it's just soothing and reminds me of the people who have been there for me when I have needed them.