Overloaded

The same. The ugly. The sad. The miserable.

What type of person am I? Lost between two people or even more...I find myself than, all of a sudden, I lose myself. It's confusing and has not explanation. The joy, the self satisfaction, the good feelings are hiding from me lately. Well, they have always been hard to find and catch.

I feel outcast. Why is it that I never feel part of anything? I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Everything and everyone falls short on me. I remember those sleepless nights and some of them were happy sleepless nights. Oh, I long for them. Than again, were they even real? they were to me. Now, I have lonely sleepless nights, but they are not the same because there is no one to share them with. I have no body. I'll never have anybody! It's not like it worries me, it saddens me instead.

I talk to people, but they look at me like I am from another planet, like I am not saying truth, like I am lying, like I am this goofy child who knows what she's talking about. My goodness! give me some credit, do I look that stupid? Sure, I am 19 years old, but that does not mean I am an idiot in life. Is that hard to admit?

Anyway, all of this crap I am writing just tops off the real issue and that's the unreal guy... I don't even get why girls have to be spending their friken lives waiting for that "guy", the "perfect guy", dreaming about the "guy", having children with the "guy", and it's nothing but a fricken ilusion. ALL in their heads, that guy. NOTHING real. Everything in this world is so unreal to me. None of them seem real....

God, I need love or else, what's going to become of me?