fears?

I don't understand any of what is happening, to tell you the truth. I've gone wacko and that's all I need to understand. I really have gone wacko this time. Afraid of going to sleep in the dark...yeah tell me about it. It even brings me back memories of back in the day when I was 4 or 5 when I stared out the window in panic until I was so tired of making up stories in my head that i'd fall asleep! Yeah, that's basically what I do now, except now the window I can't see..cuz it's behind me..and it's not like I want to look out of it because i am afraid of what i might see out there..see what i mean!!!! I am paranoid. i swear I am going to end up in a mental institution. It would surprise me if i didn't.

Back then I didn't have the anxiety attacks as bad though and I don't know...I guess I'll never really understand myself or what is freaking wrong with me. If you have any clue please tell me. Also now, I think I am afraid of dying now. I am not sure I even believe that myself, but I think that's why nowadays I can't go to sleep until I can't help myself. This is insanity and beyond, what I am going through.

I just wish I had someone to talk to, but I guess this will have to do for now.

oh, I need a new cpu.

I know I jump from subject to subject, but that's how my mind works. I don't make it do that. It just does it itself and it's probably the explanation of my madness.