Overloaded

The same. The ugly. The sad. The miserable.

What type of person am I? Lost between two people or even more...I find myself than, all of a sudden, I lose myself. It's confusing and has not explanation. The joy, the self satisfaction, the good feelings are hiding from me lately. Well, they have always been hard to find and catch.

I feel outcast. Why is it that I never feel part of anything? I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Everything and everyone falls short on me. I remember those sleepless nights and some of them were happy sleepless nights. Oh, I long for them. Than again, were they even real? they were to me. Now, I have lonely sleepless nights, but they are not the same because there is no one to share them with. I have no body. I'll never have anybody! It's not like it worries me, it saddens me instead.

I talk to people, but they look at me like I am from another planet, like I am not saying truth, like I am lying, like I am this goofy child who knows what she's talking about. My goodness! give me some credit, do I look that stupid? Sure, I am 19 years old, but that does not mean I am an idiot in life. Is that hard to admit?

Anyway, all of this crap I am writing just tops off the real issue and that's the unreal guy... I don't even get why girls have to be spending their friken lives waiting for that "guy", the "perfect guy", dreaming about the "guy", having children with the "guy", and it's nothing but a fricken ilusion. ALL in their heads, that guy. NOTHING real. Everything in this world is so unreal to me. None of them seem real....

God, I need love or else, what's going to become of me?

Te Esperare

Veo que la vida me sigue sorprendiendo. llegue a pensar que todo habia sido en vano, que confiar en las pocas personas en las que he confiado no tuvo ningun resultado. Ahora no estoy tan segura.

Y si tengo una decision grande que hacer, gigantesca, impactante, y aterradora, solo pido a Dios que me ayude a elejir bien. El amor duele, sigo pensando eso. Es tan dificil renunciar a el....el corazon se me inunda de lagrimas y mis ojos se inundan de amor, pero amor a un amor fantasma. Si, porque no me paga igual y no se si algun dia podra.

mi eterno martirio, el preocuparme decadas antes de tiempo. Antes de que mi muerte llegue, ya yo la he vivido tantas veces y la he sufrido tantas veces que el dia que me llegue de plano, ya ni la sentire tan dolorosa...

Ah, ese Enrique Bunbury....que iremos a hacer con el? tiene canciones muy melancolicas y es lo ultimo que necesito, la melancolia...

"Dejo esta grabacion a falta de algo mejor"...que puede ser mejor que la musica? el amor? el sexo? un dulce? umm...quizas un dulce. yeah, un dulce deshaciendose entre mi boca y la de alguien mas *sigh* eso si es bueno ...ok creo que ya no voy a poder ni concentrarme

dulce, bocas, besos, fuerza apasionada, una suave mordida....sabe a rico, delicioso...

feeling Betta....

http://flickr.com/photos/61069789@N00/

there's some pictures...crazy ones. I was just messing with the camera since I got it yesterday. I was, you know, like a little girl with a new toy. I'll get tired of it eventually.

Conversando con "Yo"

---Ya creo que te veo.
Te ves rara, eh.
Ni siquiera pense que eras tu.
Te imagine diferente.
Siempre apagada.

---Y esas ganas de llorar, de donde te llegan?
te miras.... triste...

>> Se fue...

---No importa. Es dificil lo se....

>>Tengo amor para dar...

---Lo se, pero no llores...no se que decirte

>> Siempre me sabe a sal. Todo me termina amargo.

--- Tu aguanta. Algun dia veras tu luz, mi luz. Mira dentro de ti, de mi. No olvides que te quiero.

>> Tengo amor para dar...

--- Te quiero...ven unete a mi que te quiero...

>> tengo amor para dar
>> ¿Y donde esta? ¿En donde estan?

--- no te preocupes que yo soy tu, y es suficiente.

>> Lo es?

--- No temas nada. Todo se fue con el huracan...

>> Pero yo ... yo... yo tenia amor para dar y... se fueron todos. ¿Donde estan?

--- Shh.... no temas

Despues de la ilusion viene la realizacion de la verdad

¿y porque siempre piensas que soy diferente a ti?
Me haces ver como poca cosa, lo soy?

Ay, la melancolia y el encierro de palabras me van a ahogar.

Si extrañar es un sentimiento que mata,
Entonces estoy muerta.
Si todo tiene sentido y yo no lo capto
entonces estoy perdida
Si tu no me quieres--- Ay! si tu no me quieres...
Entonces nada tiene caso

¿Y porque siempre me haces menos?
No me recuerdas--- yo te recuerdo
Tus canciones, tus palabras, tu esencia.
¿Y si diera marcha atras, podria cambiarlo todo?

Tan solo quiero...dejar de quererte.

Soñar de vez en cuando

Me gusta la forma de escribir de este escritor(a). Tiene sentido del humor y es realista. Simplemente se entretiene uno leyendo lo que escribe, lo cual es muy agradable tanto como para el lector como para el autor he he =D Soñar de vez en cuando

So far, so g00d

Well,

So far in Colorado things have been good. At first it felt like I was not going to make it. School seemed like it was not going to happen because I didn't have $$, than I thought I could take internet classes, but the computer couldn't get fixed, and everything seemed wrong. AHH! but thanx to the brothers and sisters who helped me everything turned out allright whew!

What I do find to be a challenge is guys out in the street. AGG, they are so animal like. If I am walking down the street, more than one will honk at me, turn around (I hope their neck twists and they hurt for days!), they even offer me rides! I thought it was the way I dressed, but I soon came to realize that it wasnt' because I've never dressed provocative. One time, and it's the one time that left me traumatized, a man followed me for about 4 blocks. He wouldn't stop insisting about giving me a ride...that was the scariest experience a guy has ever given me. Ever since that one time, I do not feel comfortable walking out in the streets. Sometimes I have to walk from work, but I think my heart gets a good exercise since it goes a million beats a minute..especially now that it gets dark sooner. Why are guys that way?

Anyway, I don't understand any thing that has to do with them for the most part.