Great picture..
Maybe if
I was like her
people would love me more.
Maybe if
I was like her
I would like myself better.
Maybe If
I was like her
There'd be less pain for me.
Maybe if
I was like her
the guy I like would like me back
Maybe...
jeudi, décembre 30, 2004
lundi, décembre 27, 2004
Reflection
I love this one eye.
When She was good by Norma Fox Mazer
"Amazing--- even though Mother had died the winter before while I slePt like a pig, never knowing she was leaving me forever. Amazing --even though Father sat on the couch night after night withougt speaking, his long bony head held between his hands. Amazing--even though Pamela said daily how she hated my sad stupid face, and did I know that I looked like a piece of old green crap"
...sad. It about kills me.
samedi, décembre 25, 2004
Yupi
Yo no entiendo. Es machismo. Tiene que ser machismo porque, que tiene de malo que una mujer se corte el pelo corto? Nada.
Yo creo ser dueña de mis pelos y puedo hacer con ellos lo que se me venga en gana. Asi sea ponerme una fogata o un nido de pajaros en medio de la cabeza. Que mas da?
Que se vayan al demonio todos aquellos que digan que la mujer no puede tener el pelo corto tal como un hombre.
Tener el pelo corto da libertad! Ademas de que un cambio de look no le va mal a nadie, pero no, todos tienen que arruinarlo preguntando que porque te lo cortas, que que fue lo que te hizo tomar la decicion.
CARAJO! si te pego la loquera o la depresion y te lo quisiste cortar, que mas da? Soy dueña de cada uno de mis cabellos, yo no veo a nadie mas cargandolos en la macetota...
No, si por eso no me caso. Ya me veria yo con un viejazo machista diciendome que le tengo que pedir permiso para cortarme el pelo..esta hasta la punta...
¿Porque permitir que se metan hasta con el pelo de una? NO, es que estan LOCAS de remate. Les falta algo en el cerebro porque eso no es pensar correctamente.
Si, esta decidido, jamas me casare...no que corajes y que flojera andarle pidiendo permiso al hombre hasta para ir a cagar!!! No, que va, al diablo con ellos!!
Yo creo ser dueña de mis pelos y puedo hacer con ellos lo que se me venga en gana. Asi sea ponerme una fogata o un nido de pajaros en medio de la cabeza. Que mas da?
Que se vayan al demonio todos aquellos que digan que la mujer no puede tener el pelo corto tal como un hombre.
Tener el pelo corto da libertad! Ademas de que un cambio de look no le va mal a nadie, pero no, todos tienen que arruinarlo preguntando que porque te lo cortas, que que fue lo que te hizo tomar la decicion.
CARAJO! si te pego la loquera o la depresion y te lo quisiste cortar, que mas da? Soy dueña de cada uno de mis cabellos, yo no veo a nadie mas cargandolos en la macetota...
No, si por eso no me caso. Ya me veria yo con un viejazo machista diciendome que le tengo que pedir permiso para cortarme el pelo..esta hasta la punta...
¿Porque permitir que se metan hasta con el pelo de una? NO, es que estan LOCAS de remate. Les falta algo en el cerebro porque eso no es pensar correctamente.
Si, esta decidido, jamas me casare...no que corajes y que flojera andarle pidiendo permiso al hombre hasta para ir a cagar!!! No, que va, al diablo con ellos!!
OhOhOh
I am here singing...y aventando de rayos a todos aquellos que no les parezca que una mujer se corte el pelo corto!!!!
vendredi, décembre 24, 2004
De humanos
Este hombre greniudo, peludo, esta guapisimo...
Se miran , se presienten , se desean,
se acarician, se besan , se desnudan,
se respiran, se acuestan, se olfatean,
se penetran, se chupan, se demudan,
se adormecen, despiertan, se iluminan,
se codician, se palpan, se fascinan,
se mastican, se gustan, se babean,
se confunden, se acoplan, se disgregan,
se aletargan, fallecen, se reintegran,
se distienden, se enancan, se menean,
se retuercen, se estiran, se caldean,
se estrangulan, aprietan, se estremecen,
se tantean, se juntan, desfallecen,
se se repelen, se enervan, se apetecen,
se acometen, se enalzan, se entrechocan,
se agazapan, se apresan, se dislocan,
se perforan, se incrustan, se acribillan,
se remachan, se injertan, se atornillan,
se desmayan, reviven, resplandecen,
se contemplan, se inflaman, se enloquecen,
se derriten, se sueldan, se calcinan,
se desgarran, se muerden,
se asesinan,resucitan, se buscan,
se refriegan, se rehúyen, se evaden y se entragan.
Oliverio Girondo(Espantapájaros-1930)
lundi, décembre 20, 2004
Behind Christmas
::The beginning of who knows what::
Many people believe that celebrating a lot of the holidays they celebrate today is Christian. Reality is that most of what they celebrate has nothing to do with christianism. It certainly violates the principles, laws, and wishes of God.
Of course, many people are ignorant to this, but after you read this, than you're not going to be anymore. Yes, sometimes we are better off not knowing because life could be easier. Well, not really because both parts have their
advantages and disadvantages. In reality we choose whatever we think it's good for ourselves and we can also thank God for giving us that opportunity or privilege.
Christmas is a holiday shared and celebrated by many religions. It is a day that has an effect on the entire world. Too many people, it is a favorite time of the year involving gift giving, parties and feasting. Christmas is a holiday that unifies almost all of professing Christendom. The spirit of Christmas causes people to decorate their homes and churches, cut down trees and bring them into their homes, decking them with silver and gold. In the light of that tree, families make merry and give gifts one to another.
When the sun goes down on December 24th, and darkness covers the land, families and churches prepare for participation in customs such as burning the yule log, singing around the decorated tree, kissing under the mistletoe and holly, and attending a late night service or midnight mass.
What is the meaning of Christmas? Where did the customs and traditions originate?
You, as a Christian, would want to worship the Lord in Spirit and in truth, discerning good from evil. The truth is that all of the customs of Christmas pre-date the birth of Jesus Christ, and a study of this would reveal that Christmas in our day is a collection of traditions and practices taken from many cultures and nations.
The date of December 25th comes from Rome and was a celebration of the Italic god, Saturn, and the rebirth of the sun god. This was done long before the birth of Jesus. It was noted by the pre-Christian Romans and other pagans, that daylight began to increase after December 22nd, when they assumed that the sun god died.
These ancients believed that the sun god rose from the dead three days later as the new-born and venerable sun. Thus, they figured that to be the reason for increasing daylight. This was a cause for much wild excitement and celebration. Gift giving and merriment filled the temples of ancient Rome, as sacred priests of Saturn, called dendrophori, carried wreaths of evergreen boughs in procession.
In Germany, the evergreen tree was used in worship and celebration of the yule god, also in observance of the resurrected sun god. The evergreen tree was a symbol of the essence of life and was regarded as a phallic symbol in fertility worship. Witches and other pagans regarded the red holly as a symbol of the menstrual blood of the queen of heaven, also known as Diana.
The holly wood was used by witches to make wands.
The white berries of mistletoe were believed by pagans to represent droplets of the semen of the sun god. Both holly and mistletoe were hung in doorways of temples and homes to invoke powers of fertility in those who stood beneath and kissed, causing the spirits of the god and goddess to enter them. These customs transcended the borders of Rome and Germany to the far reaches of the known world.
The question now arises: How did all of these customs find their way into contemporary Christianity, ranging from Catholicism to Protestantism to fundamentalist churches?
The word "Christmas"itself reveals who married paganism to Christianity.
The word "Christmas" is a combination of the words "Christ" and "Mass.
The word "Mass" means death and was coined originally by the Roman Catholic Church, and belongs exclusively to the church of Rome.
The ritual of the Mass involves the death of Christ, and the distribution of the "Host", a word taken from the Latin word "hostiall" meaning victim!
In short, Christmas is strictly a Roman Catholic word.
A simple study of the tactics of the Romish Church reveals that in every case, the church absorbed the customs, traditions and general paganism of every tribe, culture and nation in their efforts to increase the number of people under their control.
In short, the Romish church told all of these pagan cultures, "Bring your gods, goddesses, rituals and rites, and we will assign Christian sounding titles and names to them.
When Martin Luther started the reformation on October 31st, 1517, and other reformers followed his lead, all of them took with them the paganism that was so firmly imbedded in Rome.
These reformers left Christmas intact.
In England, as the authorized Bible became available to the common people by the decree of King James the II in 1611, people began to discover the pagan roots of Christmas, which are clearly revealed in Scripture.
The Puritans in England, and later in Massachusetts Colony, outlawed this holiday as witchcraft.
Near the end of the nineteenth century, when other Bible versions began to appear, there was a revival of the celebration of Christmas.
We are now seeing ever-increasing celebrating of Christmas or Yule, its true name, as we draw closer to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ!
In both witchcraft circles and contemporary Christian churches, the same things are going on.
As the Bible clearly states in Jeremiah 10:2-4, "Thus saith the Lord, learn not the way of the heathen; and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven. For the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain. For one cutteth a tree out of the forest. The work of the hands of the workman with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold. They fasten it with nails and with hammers that it move not."
So, what is wrong with Christmas?
1. To say that Jesus was born on December 25th is a lie! The true date is sometime in September according to the Scriptures.
2. Trees, wreaths, holly, mistletoe and the like are strictly forbidden as pagan and heathen! To say that these are Christian or that they can be made Christian is a lie!
3. The Lord never spoke of commemorating his birth but rather commanded us to remember the sacrifice of His suffering and death, which purchased our salvation.
Think about it! Can we worship and honor God by involving ourselves with customs and traditions, which God Himself forbade as idolatry? Can we convince God to somehow "Christianize" these customs and the whole pretense and lie of Christmas, so we can enjoy ourselves? Can we obey through disobedience?
vendredi, décembre 17, 2004
Hermana
I wish I was as pure as this flower...
Querida Maria,
Ya que no sientes hablar con nadie, decidi escribirte.
Solo queria decirte que no es facil verte asi. Y como tal vez te hayas dado cuenta tampoco lo es para mi mamá. Estoy segura que se siente peor estar viviendolo.
En verdad no puedo decir que se por lo que estas pasando,
eso tu me lo has enseñado. Lo cierto es que tal vez entienda mejor que cualquier otra persona. Entiendo tambien que tal vez eso es lo que te falte, la amistad de una amiga. Y se que las circunstancias no te dejan acercar ni a tu mejor amiga, y eso en verdad debe doler.
De lo que si te puedo asegurar, y estoy segura que tu tambien eres conciente de ello, es que al vencerte no sales ganando. talvez parezca que no haya salida, pero Maria ¿no oiste al Sr. Lugo? Que para todo hay salida. Lo que uno tiene que hacer es poner de su parte.
Tener esperanza.
Tal vez lo que nos a atrazado a nosotros es el hecho de que nos dejamos vencer. Nos asusta que se pierda "la paz", eso al menos puedo decir en mi caso. Se que algunos dias pesan mas que otros. En algunos hay deseo de gritar y salir corriendo como loca, sin el importar de nada ni nadie. Creo que esos dias son un gasto de tiempo. y no digas que haz gastado tu vida. pues aun en este "dictatorship" lograste graduarte temprano, una meta tuya que alcanzaste.
Algo que en verdad admiro como tu hermana menor
Tal vez hoy en verdad te sientes mal solo fisicamente. Pero lo emocional se que esta alli. Por eso hoy te escribo para decirte lo mucho que te aprecio y te admiro aun en la situacion que estas.
Pues cualquier otra persona creo que ya hubiera perdido el juicio y su paciencia. Yo se que no puedo saber completamente por lo que estas pasando, pero creo que si puedo darte un consejo, aun como tu hermana menor.
Te aconsejo que busques en ti, y trates de encontrar lo que te haga feliz. Aunque parezca que no existe. Si es que lo encuentras, este deseo, ilucion, idea, pues pontelo como meta, alcanzalo. porque tiene que haber algo aun en ese hoyo en el que pareces haber caido.
yo no me considero la mas valiente de valientes, y se que tal vez en muchas cosas no pueda ayudarte. pero en sentido emocional espero haberlo hecho hoy, con esta carta que no es hipocrecia ni algo poetico, sino palabras que siento hacie mi hermana desde el corazon.
Espero haberte hecho sentir mejor. Disculpa la letra fea, y la mala ortografia, pero creo que en este caso eso es lo de menos. Nos vemos luego. Cuidate y desahogate en Jehova pues es el quien puede ayudarte.
Te quiere,
Erika
Me mata...es la carta mas sincera y de las mejores que he recibido en toda mi vida....
mardi, décembre 14, 2004
EsA TrIsT3 Gu!taRrA
¿Amigos, para que? maldita sea...
Muerete maldita!
eres la que me haces tropezar
eres la que me haces odiar
muerete maldita
eres la que inundas mi ser de falta
tu eres la que me ocaciona trizteza
muerete!
te odio con todos los poros de mi ser
te maldigo con cada palabra existente
y muerete!
lundi, décembre 13, 2004
Soft
Tengo ganas de ti
vieras cuantas ganas tengo
de volver contigo
vieras cuantas noches paso sin haber dormido
doy de vueltas y vueltas y vueltas
y no me acomodo
no me puedo quitar de la mente que tu eres mi todo
vieras cuantas ganas tengo de tenerte cerca
dentro de cuatro paredes que no tengan puerta
de amarrarte fuerte con mis brazos pegada a tu aliento
hasta hacerte sentir lo que siento por fuera y por dentro
ay amor amor amor amor amor amor mio mio mio mio
si supieras cuantas ganas tengo ya estarias conmigo
vieras cuantas ganas tengo de morder tu boca!!!!!!
siento que nomas te miro y me estorba la ropa
me imagino que me ve tu adentro de tu pensamiento
y me lleno
y te lleno de ganas de las que yo siento
ay amoramor amor amor amor amor amor mio mio mio mio
si supieras cuantas ganas tengo ya estarias conmigo
vieras cuantas ganas tengode volver contigo
Wow, is this a sensual song or what?
Written on a napkin
I'd like to be inside my mom again...
I'm still here
I'm OK.
I'm sane.
I'm protected.
I need to relax, relax, relax, relax.
Breath, breath, breath deeply.
You're alive. I'm awake. I have control. I can keep awake. I'll be fine. I'm normal. I have Jehovah with me. He protects me from anything and anyone; with Him, I am stronger. I have protection and I have to see the light. I'm fine. I have control because I'm sane. I should think clearly. I am the only one who can control my mind the most. I need to be strong. I need to stay alive and do what I should do, serve Jehovah. He is here for me now. I should be there for Him always.
I don't need to worry because it's gonna be daylight. I'll just pray to Jehovah and he will come to rescue me. He's the most powerful in this universe and I have to trust Him. I should love him with all my might just as He loves us back. He will help me get through this. Stary strong. Stay in control. I'm not crazy. I'll be fine. Think of my family. They need me too just as I need them. I have a couple of friends I need to be nice about all situations between us. It's OK. Sometimes there is no need to be so sensitive.
I want to be a nurse and take care of people. I want to make it better for them. I don't wanna be funny about it. I want it to be daylight. I just have a few more hours to go. I'll be fine. I am still alive and I'm sane no matter what anyone, including myself, says.
Tomorrow it will be a different day. I will see people. I can sleep during the day. I can get more confidence. I'll get better. This is only some period of time in my life. I have a future. Stop imagining things. You need some rest.
My arm hurts and I want to throw up, but thats OK. I can handle it. I can handle my stomach too. I can handle anything if If I really want to. It was just a dream and now I'm here and tomorrow I'll be here too.
Shaky all over
fainting...
sleepy...
nauseous...
nauseous...
The Night terrors...I die. They take me away. They want me dead! I don't let them.
want freedom
Sometimes I feel behind the wire. I am a prisoner within myself...because you know what? The worst enemy you could ever have is yourself.
There is more pain in hating yourself than there is on someone else hating you. There is more pain in not knowing how to escape than in escaping and getting killed almost immediately. At least, you know you did it.
I am still behind the wire...I want out. I don't know how. Show me.
There is more pain in hating yourself than there is on someone else hating you. There is more pain in not knowing how to escape than in escaping and getting killed almost immediately. At least, you know you did it.
I am still behind the wire...I want out. I don't know how. Show me.
dimanche, décembre 12, 2004
Usual
My usual look, feeling...just naked
Ah, I have to say I can't complain as much. I am a happy f00, to tell you the truth. (who is you?) Well, this semester is over. Hopefully, I'll get my 12 credit hours because those killed me slightly. I already know I nailed psychology with an "A", which makes me happy because I plan to become a psychiatric nurse.
I have not eaten well, I have not slept well, I've been doing what I was not supposed to, but than I have. It's horrible to have the headache I have right now, but it's hopefully worth it. Oh, I need to celebrate...but I feel so tired lol
Someone give me a hug, a kiss, and a blanket...I'm cold.
vendredi, décembre 10, 2004
Narcissm
Awesome!
It's like from within...
This is how I feel when ever I am fighting myself and it's such a constant battle...it tires me, but I fight and I fight.
Right now, I need to put things in place. The people from my past I need to put in the past. I think that is the way I'd like to deal with it. I don't want to ever go back to the place I was born, I do not want to see who I grew up with ever...I just want to look ahead and keep on going and going. Yet, I can't.
What has been done I will never forget. Today, as a reminder that I'll never get rid of my past called...bad thing I answered the phone call. Well, than again, there was no one else at home. The stupid phone...sometimes it's useless...maybe I should break it like I did the other one...ahh, the angry memories, eh.
jeudi, décembre 02, 2004
"You're Weird Maria"
Outcast. Ignored. Confused. Stressed. Saddened.
Maldita depresion y el dia que la conoci...tan niña. Al diablo con los que me hicieron daño...we were just kids. Forget about it? Never.
Why is it that people look down on others because of their beliefs, the way they look, their personalities? What makes me or you so special? What is it that we have that no one else has? I am still on my never-ending quest of finding the meaning to reality. My reality, what am I talking about? Everyone has a reality, a world, an attitude, their minds are made up, their decisions all revolve about what they have been taught. Do not deny that people do not influence you. Do not deny that you are affected by others, by culture, by religion, by love, by hate, by everything!
Twist, twist, twist...breath taking. Worrying before time, dreaming when it's not time, doubting when there is no time, is there? No, I wish my days were longer. Yeah, I'd like to live forever and torture my brain with knowledge. I'd like to be happy! Everything is not real to me though. People are not real, I am not real, my goals, my past, it all seems unreal. I am having a difficult time accepting who I am because I've never known. What am I made out of?
Painful memories? Wicked or weakened?
I can't let go.
Sexuality, trust, love, hate, doubt, decisions....
Maldita depresion y el dia que la conoci...tan niña. Al diablo con los que me hicieron daño...we were just kids. Forget about it? Never.
Why is it that people look down on others because of their beliefs, the way they look, their personalities? What makes me or you so special? What is it that we have that no one else has? I am still on my never-ending quest of finding the meaning to reality. My reality, what am I talking about? Everyone has a reality, a world, an attitude, their minds are made up, their decisions all revolve about what they have been taught. Do not deny that people do not influence you. Do not deny that you are affected by others, by culture, by religion, by love, by hate, by everything!
Twist, twist, twist...breath taking. Worrying before time, dreaming when it's not time, doubting when there is no time, is there? No, I wish my days were longer. Yeah, I'd like to live forever and torture my brain with knowledge. I'd like to be happy! Everything is not real to me though. People are not real, I am not real, my goals, my past, it all seems unreal. I am having a difficult time accepting who I am because I've never known. What am I made out of?
Painful memories? Wicked or weakened?
I can't let go.
Sexuality, trust, love, hate, doubt, decisions....
Inscription à :
Articles (Atom)
