When I came back to Mexico, after so long, almost five years, I have to say that I did not like it. The country I was born in, I did not like. I was depressed to see the garbage thrown on the streets, the poor conditions of the homes in which my people lived, I was stressed out about the way they drove the narrow streets, I was stressed about losing my life to a bunch of angry, and probably also stressed out Taxi drivers.
I did not like my country. I did not like it. I felt ashamed. I am Mexican. I felt there had to be something wrong with me. I always say in my mind I am Mexican. I am not from the United States, even though I am becoming a US citizen. I feel I don't belong here, in this country, but nor do I belong in Mexico. I have no belonging anywhere.
It was not until I entered the state of Guanajuato, the land in which I grew up in. I recognized it. I saw the green fields in the distance, the smell it had, the rush of moving accross those fields, only I am always sitting on a bus seat.
I am not kidding when I say that I saw my childhood come back into my mind and I got excited. It did me good. I got excited to see that there was a feeling for my country, my origins, that I felt proud of what it looked like, of what it emcompassed. It has memories, that little part of Mexico has MY memories, mine....
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What part of Mexico are u from? And where do u live now? I live in Chicago, born and raised. And I love Mexico. True, it's not the same as it once was, my mother always complaisn about that. But change comes and is the only thing u can expect in life. I'm sorry to hear the images painted in your mind did not match the real thing.
*sigh*..I'd love to go back to either Jalisco, Monterrey or even Mexico City. I love the hustle & bustle of the concrete jungles of Mexico
I have been visiting a number of places i used to live in the past few months and the feelings it is generating inside me are pretty intense. I went to the house I grew up in (different after four other owners have lived in it). The apartment in San Francisco that I lived in. Meeting up with old high school friends. Etc.
All very odd. But good. Cathartic. A little comforting, too.
No es dejarlo de querer... es un sentimiento que casi no existe. Yo era muy pequeña como para haber desarrollado un sentimiento patriotico por Mexico... no sabia ni lo que era. Cuando llegue a Estados Unidos estaba recentida por no haber sabido que me dirijia hacia aca por que los padres siempre piensas que "eres muy pequeña todavia "
Es eso lo que me hace sentir culpable aveces. Yo no tengo amor ni por mi pais ni por donde vivo. Para mi el estar viva quiere decir mas que donde vivo... Ademas, quizas es solo que me restan sentimientos...no me emociono cuando deberia y quizas no lloro cuando todos lo hacen...es mas complicado que eso.
En fin, creo que llegue a convencerme que la Tierra entera me pertenecia y que yo podia vivir donde quisiera, si asi lo decidiera. Gente que ha crecido en un lugar, en el mismo lugar, siento yo, si desarrolla ese amor, hasta patriotismo por el leguar, en este caso, su pais.
You recognized the smell?! That's always the best for me, the reason.
Until today I do love Mexico, but I have to admit that I got to know a well-off part of it.
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