Is this it?

I am really wondering if this is it for life. I hadn't felt this bad in a very long time. It's been like three or four days since I've slept right without waking up a lot more tired than when I went to sleep. I keep dreaming and dreaming...all night long I am in this fast paced world so much stress. I doing a lot of work, movement, so fast paced for me.

I wake up today and think all the things I need to do and I begin by cooking something for myself, but I start to feel alone. I start to feel really alone and there I go again... that feeling. I hate it with all my might. I wonder if all my life I'm going to feel it, if there's a cure for it. I keep thinking it's death. Only when you die are you in peace. I feel out of this world. Nothing matches up to me. I keep crying like a little girl and it doesn't solve anything. My life, I hate my life and myself and I hate how I feel. How much longer? I just want to run away from myself. I want to run very very fast...I want to kill her, just kille her and be someone else or nobody.